Shooting at Virginia Tech - April 16, 2007:
For those of you that don't know, I spent close to 4 years of my life at Virginia Tech. I unfortunately did not graduate as a Hokie, something I deeply and profoundly regret, now more than ever. But my experiences there, the ups and the downs, far overshadow my other college experiences at Bergen Community College and William Paterson University, both of which I did achieve degrees at.
When I say ups... I mean UPS. Great friends, fun parties, wonderful teachers, amazing football games, an NIT championship celebration for the basketball team, rock-climbing, swimming in the New River, the musical performances and outdoor festivals, and above all modeling our own tri-Lamba fraternity after the one in Revenge of Nerds, and discovering what real frats go through when random people wanted to be a part of it.
When I say downs... I mean DOWNS. Alcoholism, sleeping disorders, drug use, overnight jail visits, DUIs, accidents, involvement in two racially-charged violent situations, a friend's death due to a drug overdose, depression and the occasional suicidal thought, and finally suffering the embarrassment of not being able to finish my time there, knowing I hadn't tried hard enough, and wasting a boatload of my parents' and my own money. I even had the opportunity to study abroad in Switzerland, but screwed that up, too. One fall semester, I made the Dean's List. The following spring I received 4 F's and a D.
What got me through it? What makes my experience different from the shooter's? Well, the downs are probably hauntingly similar. Now admittedly I never at any time had any inklings to even OBTAIN a weapon to injure people other than myself, but I can see that I had a similar frame of mind.
The difference? Friends, a positive outlook, a strong family base that refused to give up on me, the knowledge that it WOULD get better, if only I waited it out. Unfortunately I confused "waiting" with "sitting and doing nothing", something I'm just now understanding was silly and still needs to be changed in my life. I look at the campus and it's hitting me HARD, largely because I can see myself in those classrooms and jumping out those windows. I can see myself walking down the hall looking at a gloomy kid in a hoodie and wondering if he's going to flip out. I can see myself standing with those students holding candles and singing Amazing Grace, in fact I WANT to be with them, to offer my support and gain that sense of community back. Hell I've even considered going back for graduate school, wondering how I could swing and realizing I probably couldn't. Hell, they probably wouldn't even want me back, that would be hard to take.
My experience in Blacksburg, however, is largely a positive one. I kick myself every day for not keeping in touch with old friends, but I reach out from time to time, as recently as Monday, the day of the shooting. The campus is beautiful, it is set in the Blue Ridge Mountains amongst greenery and its buildings are built with gorgeous limestone. Springs and summers in Blacksburg are outrageous, everyone is playing volleyball and going to the river, outdoor parties and pick up football and ultimate frisbee games or simply sunbathing. How could someone want to disturb that? And academically it is far superior to anything else I've taken part in. I failed out because you can't just skate through like you can elsewhere.
And it could have been any campus in the country. Ohio State, USC, Penn State, Tennessee, Colgate, Harvard, Florida, Clemson. Go to any of them and do your research and you will find disturbed students. Some will be fine, some are stronger and will be positively affected, learning from their experiences. Like myself. Others won't be so lucky.
It's upsetting to know that something like this tragedy can occur, and it's hard to imagine something good can come out of it. But I know that I am better for it, because there are things and people I need to appreciate now. Like my wife, my family, my health, my friends, my present and my future... because you never know when it may be taken away from you.
For those of you that don't know, I spent close to 4 years of my life at Virginia Tech. I unfortunately did not graduate as a Hokie, something I deeply and profoundly regret, now more than ever. But my experiences there, the ups and the downs, far overshadow my other college experiences at Bergen Community College and William Paterson University, both of which I did achieve degrees at.
When I say ups... I mean UPS. Great friends, fun parties, wonderful teachers, amazing football games, an NIT championship celebration for the basketball team, rock-climbing, swimming in the New River, the musical performances and outdoor festivals, and above all modeling our own tri-Lamba fraternity after the one in Revenge of Nerds, and discovering what real frats go through when random people wanted to be a part of it.
When I say downs... I mean DOWNS. Alcoholism, sleeping disorders, drug use, overnight jail visits, DUIs, accidents, involvement in two racially-charged violent situations, a friend's death due to a drug overdose, depression and the occasional suicidal thought, and finally suffering the embarrassment of not being able to finish my time there, knowing I hadn't tried hard enough, and wasting a boatload of my parents' and my own money. I even had the opportunity to study abroad in Switzerland, but screwed that up, too. One fall semester, I made the Dean's List. The following spring I received 4 F's and a D.
What got me through it? What makes my experience different from the shooter's? Well, the downs are probably hauntingly similar. Now admittedly I never at any time had any inklings to even OBTAIN a weapon to injure people other than myself, but I can see that I had a similar frame of mind.
The difference? Friends, a positive outlook, a strong family base that refused to give up on me, the knowledge that it WOULD get better, if only I waited it out. Unfortunately I confused "waiting" with "sitting and doing nothing", something I'm just now understanding was silly and still needs to be changed in my life. I look at the campus and it's hitting me HARD, largely because I can see myself in those classrooms and jumping out those windows. I can see myself walking down the hall looking at a gloomy kid in a hoodie and wondering if he's going to flip out. I can see myself standing with those students holding candles and singing Amazing Grace, in fact I WANT to be with them, to offer my support and gain that sense of community back. Hell I've even considered going back for graduate school, wondering how I could swing and realizing I probably couldn't. Hell, they probably wouldn't even want me back, that would be hard to take.
My experience in Blacksburg, however, is largely a positive one. I kick myself every day for not keeping in touch with old friends, but I reach out from time to time, as recently as Monday, the day of the shooting. The campus is beautiful, it is set in the Blue Ridge Mountains amongst greenery and its buildings are built with gorgeous limestone. Springs and summers in Blacksburg are outrageous, everyone is playing volleyball and going to the river, outdoor parties and pick up football and ultimate frisbee games or simply sunbathing. How could someone want to disturb that? And academically it is far superior to anything else I've taken part in. I failed out because you can't just skate through like you can elsewhere.
And it could have been any campus in the country. Ohio State, USC, Penn State, Tennessee, Colgate, Harvard, Florida, Clemson. Go to any of them and do your research and you will find disturbed students. Some will be fine, some are stronger and will be positively affected, learning from their experiences. Like myself. Others won't be so lucky.It's upsetting to know that something like this tragedy can occur, and it's hard to imagine something good can come out of it. But I know that I am better for it, because there are things and people I need to appreciate now. Like my wife, my family, my health, my friends, my present and my future... because you never know when it may be taken away from you.
posted by Moose @ 6:57 AM
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